A Walk To Remember

White Shadows


Water, it is everywhere. Right behind the place where I live, there is a magnificent sea where shades of blue shine with yellow glitter dust of sun rays. Sometimes, fresh fragrant breeze cushions the sun and delicately wraps it in the blanket of clouds. While sometimes, showers of fresh water purifies the surroundings.

I wander at the beach and get lost. Lost in the sadness of sea waves that travel all the way to the beach and slowly crawl back. Lost in the roars of sea waves that strikes the rocks in fury and make me think, why are the waves that reach at the beach so calm and why are those which strike stones so angry ? I don’t know. I don’t want to. I just know that I have to find myself between this calmness and fury, somewhere between sand and rocks.


While searching for my lost self…

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Stuck in a whirlpool

“I haven’t written a word as meaningless as my life for a long time. It seems like ages have passed and I am still there sitting and waiting for things to be sorted out on their own. I have no clue how to write down my thoughts and feelings here. I feel so oblivious and numb yet I experience the agonizing influence of each and every thing that happens to me and to those I love. Perhaps there is no end to it or perhaps there is, as of now I have no idea. Albeit I do have this faint, as blur as the sun in fog, clue of what I’m doing right now. I had, after going over the same though again again, finally convinced myself of picking up the dust from the window and look through it. And I have found myself for the first time in a long time coaxed by my own words to do something I was not willing to eversince I gave up. I don’t know if it’ll be as influential as it should be but I don’t care. All I care about is just spitting this poison inside me dwelling in the form of thoughts and unspeakable words.

I’ll just get straight to the point and cut the crap, I am under a spell of something very strong and heavy. I’m not sure but I’ll pass a conjecture I still am very much in love with you. And that’s it. When I sit down to analyze the structure of my life, I realize if I take you out of it the whole structure collapses and comes down to a debris. I don’t know why or how and truth be told I don’t even care howsoever it might be, you are a fundamental part of my life; my existence. And honestly, I don’t even care if my words are good enough to convince you of my truth. But I know; I know it for certain that I’m not drunk and I’m clearly not lying.

With that out of my head now, there is one more problem that always comes in the way like a huge mountain I have to climb and come down the other side of and it is how things have badly influenced my attitude towards life and towards God. I have become a reflection of a dying spirit or more like a glimpse of a catastrophe which is likely to consume anything or anyone that dares walk towards it. I have become apathetic and completely dead. I see blood, I see tears, I hear screams and I hear things even worse yet I can’t feel what they are going through. It seems as if I don’t give a damn if a man is dying infront of my eyes, I’ll simply let him die. That’s who I have become now and that’s what is stopping me from soldiering on. Clearly that is the mountain; that is the Everest of problems.

And I don’t even have any faith left in hope anymore but what could go wrong if I said right now that I hope either my weary journey ends here or I get carried to rehabilitation. Either way I’ll end up running late. I’ll be late. But I will never forget the very essence of you that has carried me until now.”

Happy never after.

A bunch of rhyming words.

Here’s to the broken ones

The Ecstacy of The Night

I like to sleep during the day, because I find that the sunlight, is now, say outdated. I like to keep a clear mind, because it helps me focus, I like to think about who I really am, and why I actually exist. The thing is, the world I live in, isn’t alive during the day, the world I live in isn’t beautiful, with the sun shining in my eyes, I don’t really like attention, I don’t really care.

It becomes clear, when the lights are off, when the sun isn’t shining and exposing me to the world, i like to believe, what I want to believe, i like to see, what i want to see, i like to be alone, i like to focus on what i want to focus on. You know, when the lights are on, you’re seeing, everything there is to see, you’re focusing on whatever there is to focus on, you’re immersed in the fake reality, and truth that the light brightens up. But when there’s no light, that’s when you can focus on what you really want to, you, believe what you want to, you try and search for what you really want, and your mind is clear, because its no longer flooded by all the bull shit, that exists, in reality. In the dark, it’s my reality, it’s me, it’s exclusively, mine.

As I Think Of You

“Looking upon the shadowy bliss of night, I thought of you. I thought of you as a bliss of solitude that stumbles upon darkness, as the moon above my horizon melts down in the sea of stars. With the gushes of wind passing by my ears, I thought of myself in retrospect, looking across at the very sight of you. And the chronically life long moments we both had and the evergreen promise we made in our eyes that we would live together and grow old together. I thought of you.

Looking like a freshly polished garnet, I still remember the sparkle which came across my eyes when I first saw your face. It felt like you were the lock to the key I had held onto for life. You felt like the very first drop of rain that forecasts the upcoming rainbow to me. And your debonair look had had me believed you possessed the energy to excite an army of lethargic photons. Your eyes were so clear as if they were offering a gateway to some sort of castle. And you as a whole seemed like an absolute rose surrounded by nothing but thorns.

Today, you are not here with me. Your memories are all I have with me. With this pen and this pad as my new best-friend, I disclose my secrets lying hidden. And with the last regret in my heart; if I had revealed my true intentions things would have been different indeed.” –Raza Sohail